If you've ever stared up in wonder at the night sky, gazed at the swirling constellations and distant planets, and thought, "How will this all affect my dog's week?," then this is the perfect place for you. Astrology, or the study of the stars and planets and their effect on your life, is as old as humans themselves. So why isn't it time dogs get in on the fun?
Studying a dog's natal chart will theoretically reveal all the same fun traits the 12 signs of the zodiac have to offer their human counterparts. Is your stubborn dog such an Aries? Do you and your dog argue constantly because you're both Aquariuses and debate is your love language? Before reading below, you can check out last week's dog horoscope to confirm how much of the future we've already predicted. Then you should come back and see what the week of December 16 to 22 looks like for your dog, according to their zodiac sign.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
As the first sign of the zodiac and its resident battering ram, you’re used to meeting challenges head on and coming out top dog. Fire signs are often quick to act as they run on pure passion, but sometimes, dear Aries, revenge is a dog dish best served cold. Instead of flying off the leash the next time your human wrongs you, bite back on that bark. It may feel really good to make your feelings heard in the moment, but I promise it'll feel infinitely better when you hear them scream two weeks later after you've left a special surprise in their slipper.
Check out last week's Aries dog horoscope.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You're like a dog with a bone, Taurus, and no one can stop you when you get this fired up. This week has you on a mission and you don't have time to play. That's because you're fetching something much larger than your human can throw. The force is within you, jedi dog, but don't burn yourself out before you cross the finish line. As Ricky Bobby's dad famously said (even if he doesn't remember), "If you ain't first, you're last." And we all know Taurus dogs don't take losing very well.
Check out last week's Taurus dog horoscope.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Put down the phone, Gemini, and no one gets hurt. I know you think every thought is worth a tweet or status update, but I’m here to tell you that it’s getting out of... paw. As an air sign, you're a natural sharer, and that's lovely, but social media doesn’t have to be your diary. You tend to wear your heart on your sleeve, but it doesn’t really make sense when you don’t wear a shirt. Think twice before you telegraph your thoughts to the general public… sometimes barking at a blank wall has the same effect.
Check out last week's Gemini dog horoscope.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
As a Cancer, you have a natural talent for reading the room. There are no awkward moments when you're around as you weave your way seamlessly through groups of people, making your belly available for rubs should any prolonged silences occur. You're a natural host, but always being "on" can also be exhausting. It's time someone threw you a party (and a bone) so you can finally enjoy yourself. You deserve to be celebrated; you deserve to dance all evening. Every dog shall have their night! And this week, you'll have yours.
Check out last week's Cancer dog horoscope.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
A Leo's work is never done – especially when that work is being done on themselves. Self-care isn't all luxury getaways and spa days, it means working on consistently making yourself a better dog, day in and day out. This may sound like too much, but if any sign is poised to succeed, it's you, Leo dog. If anyone can spend hours looking at themselves in the mirror, it's the mildly self-obsessed Leo dog. You may not 100% recognize yourself, but you can still appreciate the beauty.
Check out last week's Leo dog horoscope.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Constantly chasing perfection is an exhausting pursuit, Virgo dog. Especially when there are plenty of more viable targets, like your tail or the moon. It's OK to embrace flaws or maybe even see the beauty in them. Virgos are like the dog versions of computers who are programmed to see the errors instead of the good in things. It's time to see the world as a little less black and white, Virgo dog. It's time to welcome the differences that bring color into our lives.
Check out last week's Virgo dog horoscope.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
You're not about to wait until 2020 to completely #pupgrade your life. You're already tired of last year's clothes and last year's line of thinking. Same year, new you. Libra dog, your dream of ending this year off in a bang is in full swing. Do your last-minute shopping, get your hair did, just do the damn thing. You're not bringing any basic energy into this week, I feel that, and you're certainly not bringing any into the new year either.
Check out last week's Libra dog horoscope.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You’re not the type to bite your tongue, Scorpio dog, even if you are the type to bite other things. Whether you realize it or not, you do hold your thoughts in from time to time. Part of it is making sure talking is on your own terms, not just barking when someone yells, "Speak!" You are a strong, independent doggo and letting yourself be vulnerable is like letting ice melt. It's slow at first, but once it starts, it's like a waterfall. You're a water sign, Scorpio, even if you try your hardest to fight it. Let your feelings rush forward! You'll be thankful once you do, as you happened to be thirsty this whole time.
Check out last week's Scorpio dog horoscope.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Things are quiet right now, Sagittarius, but don’t let that scare you. Life doesn't have to be going by a mile a minute to be interesting. The fire within you burns bright as your season comes to a close, and you have a lot of extra energy. That's good, save it all up. It's important to remember it's always calm before a storm. You have a busy future ahead, so take these few days to relax by a fireplace, watch a few bad reality shows, and drink some hot cocoa. When you're knee-deep in drama next week, you'll thank me.
Check out last week's Sagittarius dog horoscope.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Sometimes it feels like the game of life is like playing tug-of-war with a tree. And not just like any shrub either, but a giant redwood. If it often feels like you're tugging and tugging to no avail, maybe it's time to play a different game. It's that simple. Drop the rope and pick up a frisbee. You are in control of your life, Capricorn, and you can determine how happy you are. And no one is better at getting stuff done than the efficient Capricorn when they truly put their mind to it; it's a fearsome thing to behold.
Check out last week's Capricorn dog horoscope.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Do you find yourself missing your human more than you can describe? Which is totally weird because you're normally so good at words! It's very common to feel the pain and anxiety of not being with your favorite human. You're not alone (well, in theory). The best way of dealing with this is by coming up with a variety of schemes and tricks to prevent your human from leaving the home... ever again. Swallow the keys! Hide the shoes! Destroy the clothes! This is a healthy way to deal with it, I promise!
Check out last week's Aquarius dog horoscope.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
This week will push you in new ways, mutable Pisces, and make you confront things you've been avoiding for years. This sort of moment can be terrifying for a Pisces dog (anything can be really terrifying for a Pisces dog), but it’s also exactly where you strive. Even if you normally avoid confrontation like you do vegetables, your empathetic spirit will guide you to make peace with any situations that arise. That's right, you can finally achieve world peace without doing the pageant circuit.
Check out last week's Pisces dog horoscope.